1. you still think you can derive actuals from a burndown chart
2. you come to your team’s daily standup and everyone reports to you
3. you have no idea who your product owner is
4. you still think of a sprint as a race where team members compete to see who can stay late to do the most work the fastest
5. you try to find the critical path in your team’s sprint backlog
6. you need buckets at sprint planning meetings to collect the drool of team members who catatonically sit around the conference table as you to type tasks into a spreadsheet
7. you would love agile if you could only figure out how to get your team to perfectly estimate story cards so that you can tell your stakeholders exactly when they’ll get everything they want
8. you lock down the product backlog.
9. you think release planning is something you do on your way to the bathroom
10. everyone has offices and gosh darn it, they LIKE them!
11. you think sticky notes are for wimps
12. when you hear ‘heroics’ you think of Rocky
13. you terminate sprints when team members don’t stay late to work on stuff
14. you hold two daily standups per day because if one is good, then two must be better!
15. you think t-shirt size estimating is ridiculous